December 16, 2011

"The Criminal Did WHAT!?" - John Hansen

(The following is not my own experience, nor did I bear witness. I read about this on and after laughing out loud, decided to turn it into a humorous true crime story. Hope you like it!)
August 2010
It is a sultry summer afternoon and a group of young boys – all of who are younger than the age of 18 – decide to spend their time robbing a house. They are your classic dimwitted gang of rebels in need of making yet another idiotic mistake. And that’s just what one of the group’s members, a young boy, did.
This young criminal is looting the stranger’s attic of all old jewelry and trinkets that appear to be of value, dreaming of riches and good fortunes, when he turns to leave. But he realizes something. He locked himself in the attic. 
In his daze, he forgot to make sure he had a way out; he, instead, simply shut the door behind him. He struggles with the lock, tries kicking the door open and screams for his friends. Nothing. They can’t hear him, he assumes.
So our genius criminal waits there, cursing at his own idiocy, for some time until he finally realizes he has a cell phone in his pocket. Oh, what do you know? Because his fellow unintelligent thieves could not hear him, he decides to call the one person he knows he can already rely on, the one person who will always be there for him. 
Who, the police? No, not the police. He calls his mother. What else would a young boy do in a crisis situation as such? Mommy picks him up hours later and although she is furious, she doesn’t turn him in. That would be the neighbors’ job days later.
It is funny, amazing and all-the-more unnerving to see how entirely ignorant and dimwitted some people are. You would think that a boy of that age would at least watch TV, right? The news? A magazine? A book, even? 
But it would appear that this is not so. I mean c’mon people, if you want to rob someone’s house, wouldn’t you at least think first? Maybe check to make sure you have suitable means of escape? Apparently not.
John Hansen is a crime author and blogger. His website is The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer.


  1. Congrats on your first foray into crime non-fiction, John. I love stupid criminal stories, and this one put a smile on my face.

  2. Made me smile.. There was a similar story in the press yesterday where a young thief left his home work at the location - with his name on. Nicely written..xx

  3. Thanks Ben and thanks Rosalind. :) That's funny that the thief left his homework! That would be awkward the next day. Oh I can picture it now:
    "Where's your homework?" The teacher yells.
    "Umm..." He stammers, "at the house I robbed yesterday..."

    :D Well, anyway, glad you enjoyed it! And thanks so much for having me, Ben!

  4. haha, got to love stupid criminals..congrats on the piece John!

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